Been a while since I put the so called “pen in the wind” on this lil blog of mine. I feel I need to get my outlet back b/c shit has been getting way too real. I wonder if and when I lost myself in this power struggle…The struggle for love & money…The struggle for prestige & newness. How I could lose myself???? What the hell happened & how do I get back to that same girl that used to sit in the swimming pool and sing Billionaire at the top of her lungs….Where did she go??? Where did that care free, society & rules be damned girl go??? My next endeavor is to rediscover how I lost this person along the way. My goal is to get myself back. Unwrap myself from all that I allowed to distort my thoughts and twist my feelings. I will succeed.
Today one of the kindest and sweetest animals to ever walk this earth has to be put down….I am not happy at all….Ma is not just my dog, she is my family….And it is my love for her that I will not let her suffer….She has lived a long-long life and we have had some wonderful times together.
I got Ma from some people who no longer wanted her b/c she could no longer have the puppies that they… wanted to sell. They gave her to me and my mom b/c she was no good to them anymore. She was worth more than any amount of money that the puppies could bring. She was worth a million to me and my mom.
I will not let her continue to suffer….She will be able to be with her long time companion Brother again in Heaven…God knows Brother needs a good woman to keep him in line and there is honestly no better woman than Ma. She has been a good dog and I am so grateful to God that he let her be a part of my life. I only hope that I have shown Ma the amount of love and happiness that she has given me. I will always love Ma…she’s one in a million. ♥
“After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn’t mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts And presents aren’t promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with you head up and your eyes open. With the grace of maturity, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on Today because tommorow’s ground is too uncertain for plans, And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… That you really are strong And that you really do have worth. And you learn and learn and learn …. With every goodbye you learn.” ~ Veronica A. Shoffstall ♥
I know that it has been a little over a year since I started this lil’ blog & all….So, I decided to look at myself now vs. then.
Wow, was I full of all kinds of hope and optimism….Now, I wouldn’t say I’m pessimistic or jaded, but my hope for a bright future has been battered and beaten a little more. I’m like, all the goals I had for last year….are the same. So, did I even get anything accomplished?????
School is great…Making great strides; hopefully I’m making a difference. I have been told I am helping my clients, but I know all of us in my class practice all have that worry/doubt/fear that we are not as effective as we should be. But, my clients are making progress…the tests are showing it and I am observing it. I pray that I say the right thing to them to give them peace and guidance. I care about them.
I don’t think my social area of life is what it should be….I’ve been asked out by some guys that seemed to have come out of nowhere…guys I would have never considered as asking me out. But there is not the proverbial “chemistry.” And how feasible is it to have a successful love life living in Fumbuk, Egypt AKA “the middle of nowhere”….Patience, patience. Things will fall into place, gotta keep looking forward.
So, to continue where I left off last year: Get healthier, get more of myself back. Basically, allow myself to REALLY, TRULY LIVE. Happy 2012!!!! <3