Virginia Genell Keepin It Real

The nightmares occur more now, than ever….Never the same one, patterns and themes are often recurring, but always different….I sleep but don’t get rest.

Things are going well, not really much I can complain about….Life is interesting these days, as I find life more and more enjoyable.

Light is at the end of the tunnel….I am finally seeing a better day….I’m about to make it….Now tell me, who would’ve ever guessed.

I know that it has been a little over a year since I started this lil’ blog & all….So, I decided to look at myself now vs. then.

Wow, was I full of all kinds of hope and optimism….Now, I wouldn’t say I’m pessimistic or jaded, but my hope for a bright future has been battered and beaten a little more.  I’m like, all the goals I had for last year….are the same.  So, did I even get anything accomplished????? 

School is great…Making great strides; hopefully I’m making a difference.  I have been told I am helping my clients, but I know all of us in my class practice all have that worry/doubt/fear that we are not as effective as we should be.  But, my clients are making progress…the tests are showing it and I am observing it.  I pray that I say the right thing to them to give them peace and guidance.  I care about them.

I don’t think my social area of life is what it should be….I’ve been asked out by some guys that seemed to have come out of nowhere…guys I would have never considered as asking me out.  But there is not the proverbial “chemistry.”  And how feasible is it to have a successful love life living in Fumbuk, Egypt AKA “the middle of nowhere”….Patience, patience.  Things will fall into place, gotta keep looking forward.

So, to continue where I left off last year:  Get healthier, get more of myself back.  Basically, allow myself to REALLY, TRULY LIVE.  Happy 2012!!!! <3

This has been a bittersweet year….probably the most bitter and the most sweet, all wrapped up in one big ol’ hot mess.  I survived it; a little battered, torn & tattered, all scarred up but nonetheless, I’m still standing.

This year has been marked by incredible loss in my life.  I lost Brother—my dear sweet companion, more reliable that most people in my life to be brutally honest.  There were times when he was it for me…an old stray dachshund, who turned out to be my amazing gift from God in so many ways.  I lost him and ultimately a piece of myself.  That is an open wound, but it is slowly healing….very slowly.  He will be missed & every time I see something that reminds me of him, I am torn between smiling at the memory or crying for my loss.  I am determined to let him be in peace now, as I did not want to see my sweet boy suffer any more, but I hurt….A LOT.

People entered and exited my life this past year….old friends, family.  I suppose it was because of my foray into the world of Facebook.  Bringing people together.  So, I first found my dad, who I haven’t seen in roughly 9 years.  It seems that 9 years is a lot to have to work thru & get past.  A lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings.  We are in no way in a perfect place, but I leave that with God.  I am not fond of his “new” family, so this has been a weird hurdle for myself and him to mend our fragile relationship.  Friends:  Many, many people come out of the woodwork when you join fb.  Some good, some bad.  Isn’t that why they created the block button???? The first part of the year was astounding, because I had my best friend back in my life and found that an old friend quickly became one of my dearest and best confidante.  I miss them sometimes….often, to be honest.  I had sooo much fun catching up and hanging out, only if it was only on the computer.  But, things happen….I suppose that I stood to lose too much as I found out that some people were allowing influential people at school to read my posts….which allowed a joke among my friends to become close to my undoing, had it been taken wrong.  It’s unfortunate…but I deal and move on. 

I am keeping people more at arm’s length these days…at least until I get out of school and I am independent of how things can impact my future.  I don’t know. I have to be cautious.

Health scares were also predominate this year.  The doctor’s implied that I had to get my lifestyle changes in order or I would die from heart disease….SCARY.  So, I adopted a Pescatarian diet, which led to me becoming malnourished.  One of my teachers even told me point blank you look pale and scary sick. (Probably not his exact words, but that’s the jest of it all).  So, in order to come back into the land of the living and avoid looking Cullen-ish….I began eating chicken again.  Only baked, but it is a rare treat.  Mostly sticking to a vegatarian diet, but fish and chicken are necessary to keep me healthy.  Cholesterol dropped 100 points and triglycerides dropped 300 (average) points.  I am proud of myself, but I still have a long way to go to get where I want to be.  I do see now, that I can do it…just gotta apply myself.  I’m gonna make it.  I’m coasting from here…feeling more energized.  Now, maybe I can work on the aesthetic benefits of weightloss….perhaps this time next year I will be defining myself as all fine & stuff. LOL ;)  (Stay tuned)

The sweetest thing is Lil Man.  My new puppy.  Very Brother-like, but with a sweet/kind/loving demeanor.  He makes me happy.  I feel he is a blessing in so many ways.  He keeps me going & came along when I was feeling very emotionally detached from a lot of life. 

One school semester left & my one semester internship….then I graduate.  I really don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m determined to stay positive and let life happen.  And of course, always keepin’ it real….. <3

I am soooo beyond high school drama behavior…..